Monday, December 22, 2008

Everyone's Favorite Topic

Ahhh. That wonderful Winter Break rhythm.

10AM: Roll out of bed wrapped in a soft blanket with fuzzy slippers.
10:15AM: Eat breakfast.
10:30AM: Laze around, go on Facebook, speculate on prospective holiday gifts.
12:00PM: Eat lunch.
12:15PM: Maybe go to a friend's house. Maybe go ice skating. Nah. Too much work.
6:00PM: Eat dinner.
7:30PM: Option A: Open a Hanukkah present, play dreidel, and eat chocolate gelt (the ones made in Israel, not China, because Chinese gelt has melamine in it)
Option B: Check Facebook. Speculate on prospective holiday gifts. Then watch a movie.
12AM: Go to bed. Unless you're at a party. In that case:
3AM: Stumble into bed.

So, obviously, the one and only subject that everyone wants to think about right now is FINALS, right?

Congratulations to those of you have already taken (and hopefully passed) those dreaded exams. Unfortunately, all we Paly kids have yet to partake in this infamous institution of higher education.

Several experts sounded off on whether the administrative decision to have Winter Break preceed finals is doing any favors for GPAs. And by experts, I do not mean the school administration (although they do perform the crucial functions of legislating, enforcin
g, AND interpreting school policy), nor do I mean those parents who remember exactly what it was like to be a high school student at finals time.

I mean us. We, the students, have spoken. And here is what we said.

So there you have it. The raw facts. This is straight talk, everyone.

Now that that's all over with, go out and have a stupendous, fantastic, fabulous, (relaxing), WINTER BREAK!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Winter Migratory Habits of the Palalius Studentis

Palalius studentis
common in Western Coastal suburban environments, usually in communities proximal to prestigious universities

Startling new evidence has come to light that the migratory habits of the Palalius studentis are evolving and changing, as published in a recent study. More and more of these rare creatures are resisting their innate urge to embark upon a ritual and traditional migration during the approximately 2-3 week period before the Great Study Session, which precedes the tribal evaluations that mark the Semesterial End of Academic Cognitiation at the Tribal Academy.

Several members of the species, using a combination of sign language and grunts, were able to convey their own feelings on the subject of migration and whether or not they will be performing this sacred ritual. 

NOTE: Translations may be slightly irregular due to the bulk of research having been performed in Kazakhstan.

Specimen 1, age 17: We will linger within our cottage and merely journey out of doors to locations that rest near at hand.

Specimen 2, age 15: I betake of myself to Beirut which is conveniently situated inside the sovereign state of Lebanon.

Specimen 3, age 14: I will not venture to a foreign clime, but rather reside directly in this spot.

Specimen 4, age 14: Los Angeles. (English: the village where habit the divine messengers and also the VIPs)

Specimen 5, from a neighboring tribe, age 16: Whilst at present I exist lodged in the interior of Oregon, I forsee myself proceeding into the zone encircling this city of the Sacred Mento. The reason I forsee myself voyaging to this location is owing to the fact that it is populated by my granny.

[Seventeen more specimens were interviewed, but they were unable to coherently answer interview question. Several became violent and began uprooting trees and flinging nearby objects at our researchers. It was concluded by the Kazakhstan lab team that this clearly signified that the specimens were in fact staying in their village during the winter months.]

Experts are worried by the implications of this extreme shift in what appeared to be a static societal institution in the classic hierarchy of this civilization. Several even went as far as to question the credibility of the data. However, Dr. Onevorschkiyeviblinsk, the head researcher in the Kazakhstan lab, has assured his fellow scientists that there could not possibly have been any discrepancies in the data collection processes nor in the subsequent translations that yielded the final conclusions, nor were any Palalius studentis specimens harmed in the research performed.

- Dmitri Gulyible, Kazakhstan News Service